When you work your entire life, save diligently, and finally accumulate a sizable nest egg, it seems only natural that you’d be free to use your money as needed — whether it’s for a new car, home repairs, or simply retiring on your own terms. Yet, for many individuals, especially those working with large financial institutions, accessing that money comes with unexpected guilt, judgment, and roadblocks. This article explores why your advisor doesn’t want you spending your own money, what that really means, and how you can take back control of your financial future.
Continued Horror Stories from Saving for Your Own Retirement
Let’s consider a real-world scenario. A 62-year-old woman, divorced and financially stable after receiving a $1.5 million settlement, found herself in a strange predicament. Despite working hard and accumulating wealth that had since grown to about $2 million, she felt uneasy about touching her own money.
Why? Because every time she contacted her financial advisor — who worked at one of the big box retail investment firms — she was met with discouragement and guilt. Whether she needed to replace her car, fix her roof, or buy an air conditioner, the advisor made her feel irresponsible for simply accessing her own funds.
After 14 years of this pattern, she felt stuck, even though she was still working and didn’t want to be. What stood in her way wasn’t poor planning or lack of resources — it was a deep, emotional block created by the person supposed to help her: her financial advisor.
I’m Learning a Lot From It
When she finally attended a financial education class and sought independent advice, the story began to change. She learned a crucial lesson: it’s not just about how much money you have, but how empowered you feel to use it.
This woman discovered that her advisory firm had structured her annuity in such a way that the company — not she — was the official owner. The beneficiary? Also the company. While she was the annuitant, meaning the policy was based on her life and intended to pay out to her, the technical control and legal ownership were in the company’s hands.
This structure not only limited her control but also created a mess when she tried to move the asset. It was an emotional and administrative nightmare that highlighted a bigger truth: the system was designed to benefit the firm, not her.
The Real Reason Big Box Advisors Say “Don’t Spend”
So, why your advisor doesn’t want you spending your own money?
It’s simple: your money funds their business.
Most big box advisory firms are publicly traded. They generate income by charging fees and commissions based on the amount of money under their management. When you withdraw funds — whether to enjoy retirement, buy a car, or cover essential expenses — that pool of money shrinks. Smaller balances mean smaller fees, which means less revenue for them.
That’s why some advisors subtly (or not-so-subtly) discourage clients from spending. They frame it as “protecting your future,” but in many cases, it’s about protecting their bottom line.
In this woman’s case, the result was tragic. She financed an air conditioner, continued working far longer than necessary, and even racked up credit card debt — all because she was too afraid to ask for her own money.
The Math Doesn’t Lie — You Probably Can Retire
Once she received honest, independent advice, the picture became much clearer. She needed around $60,000 per year to live comfortably. Her home was paid off. Other than a few financed items (which she only financed out of fear), she was debt-free.
A $2 million portfolio generating $60,000 annually represents a 3% withdrawal rate — an incredibly conservative and sustainable figure, especially with proper planning. Yet, she didn’t know this. Her advisor never showed her the numbers in a digestible way. Instead, she was left feeling ashamed and uncertain.
Once the financial education was in place and the right strategy was introduced, she stopped working. Her financed purchases were paid off. She finally felt free to live her life — a feeling that should come automatically when you retire, but often doesn’t when misinformation and control get in the way.
You Are Not Behind
One of the most powerful takeaways from this story is that most people are not as financially behind as they think. Many working Americans assume they need to replace 100% of their working income in retirement, but that’s rarely true.
Consider the following:
- You’re no longer contributing to a 401(k)
- You’re not paying FICA and Medicare taxes
- If your mortgage is paid off and toys (cars, renovations, etc.) are purchased pre-retirement, your monthly needs drop drastically
So, while you may earn $100,000 a year now, you might only need $50,000 in retirement to maintain the same lifestyle. But too many people wait until they’re exhausted to explore retirement options — and that delay can cost them years of financial freedom.
Why Your Advisor Doesn’t Want You Spending Your Own Money
Let’s repeat this again because it’s worth emphasizing: why your advisor doesn’t want you spending your own money often has more to do with their profit model than your financial health.
The solution is not reckless spending — it’s informed planning. There’s a huge difference between splurging irresponsibly and simply accessing your own funds to support a reasonable lifestyle. A trustworthy advisor should help you find that balance, not shame you out of your own bank account.
This woman’s journey from fear to freedom is a perfect example. She wasn’t trying to buy yachts or luxury vacations. She just wanted to retire and take care of basic needs — and her advisor stood in the way.
Seek a Second Opinion
If any part of this story resonates with you, it may be time to ask yourself a difficult but necessary question: Do I trust my advisor?
Would you get a second opinion if a doctor gave you a terminal diagnosis? Most people would — and the same should apply to your financial health. If your advisor makes you feel judged, confused, or afraid to use your own money, that’s a red flag.
There are firms out there that will give you a second opinion at no cost, including a review of your portfolio, income needs, and long-term sustainability. They’ll run simple calculations, help you understand what you own, and whether your current setup is working for you — not against you.
What to Look For in an Advisor
To avoid the trap of working with someone who doesn’t truly serve you, consider the following when choosing an advisor:
- Independence: Are they part of a large, publicly traded firm or a privately held advisory practice?
- Fee Transparency: Do they earn commissions based on assets, or are they upfront about their compensation?
- Education-Based Planning: Do they explain your options clearly and teach you about your financial tools?
- Personalized Approach: Do they create a custom-tailored retirement plan based on your goals and lifestyle?
Take Control of Your Future
In the end, financial planning should empower you, not imprison you. If you’ve ever hesitated to call your advisor, feared asking for your money, or been made to feel irresponsible for wanting to retire — you are not alone.
But that doesn’t mean you’re stuck.
The truth about why your advisor doesn’t want you spending your own money is uncomfortable but necessary to confront. Once you do, you can begin working with someone who puts your needs first, educates you honestly, and reminds you that the money is, in fact, yours.
So if you’re questioning whether your plan makes sense, don’t wait. Get a second opinion. Ask the tough questions. And remember: your retirement is not a gift someone gives you — it’s the reward you’ve earned. Make sure you’re the one holding the keys.
Also read: How Much Do You Actually Need to Retire?
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